talking to your kids about hard things

The school year began tragically for the Dayton region when a Clark County school bus overturned, resulting in the death of a child. Dayton Children’s extends our deepest sympathies to the families of all those involved.  

We understand that such a serious accident may cause anxiety for both children and parents, and we are here to help. Julie Stucke, PhD, Dayton Children’s psychologist, offers advice for navigating difficult conversations with your child about the accident.  

open the door 

Children don’t always speak up when they want to. Letting your children know that you are there if they want to talk about their feelings is a great way to start a healthy conversation. 

Try using open-ended conversation starters like: 

• “Is this something that you heard about?” 
• “Is there anything you heard about at school today that was
  upsetting?” 

Asking open-ended questions will help you know how much they know and understand how they are processing at their developmental level. If your child does not want to talk about the events, that’s OK too, do not force them. Instead, reassure them that you are always a safe place for them to open up if they change their mind. 

stay honest 

Make sure that you are honest with your child if they have questions about bus safety. Explain to them that riding the bus is one of the safest ways for kids to get to school every day, but that sometimes accidents do happen. 

Focusing on more positive things may help ease your child’s worries. Try reminding your child that there are already many adults working to make sure accidents like this won’t happen again. So many nice people have come together to help each other.

understanding is key 

You or your child might be experiencing a lot of stress or anxiety because of this tragic incident. Listening and understanding are so important for both kids and adults when it comes to managing anxiety. There are many ways to help your children cope with these feelings, such as: 

Stick to the facts. If your child tells you anything that you know is false, kindly correct them and reassure them of the truth. Also, if you don’t know the answer to one of their questions, you can tell them you are unsure. You can look up answers together or even have a conversation about how some things are unknown or have no good explanations. 

• Remind your child that they are safe now.  
• Talk to your child about ways you work through your own anxiety. Sharing these strategies can help your child learn healthy ways to respond to negative feelings.  
• Encourage your children to participate in their usual activities. Continuing to go about their daily activities can help kids to not become overwhelmed by their thoughts and feelings. 

stay calm, cool and collected 

This accident is very scary, especially from a parent’s point of view. However, it is important not to let your anxieties take control over your interactions with your child.  

• Stay matter-of-fact and calm when talking to your child. If you are worked up, it may cause their anxiety to increase as well.  
• Avoid becoming overprotective. It may worsen your child’s anxiety if they see you become extremely worried about their every action. 
• Try not to give your child too much special attention. While some attention is necessary to reassure your child, too much can have the opposite effect.  A dramatic increase in attention can signal to a child that something is wrong.

Of course, your feelings as a parent are equally as important. Do not hesitate to reach out to a trusted individual if you feel like you need to talk about your own anxieties related to this accident. Monitoring your own emotional response will go a long way in helping your child navigate theirs.