talking to your child about school safety

in this article: 

• understanding school violence
• talking to kids about school safety 
• free download: school safety conversation starters

Starting school may create anxiety for children as they are uncertainty about what to expect. And it’s also easy to understand why some children and parents may be worried about school safety and the possibility of violence at school.  

Being anxious about safety at school can be a serious issue for kids. For some, it may cause them to avoid school or make it difficult for them to focus.  

That’s why talking to kids about school violence is so important. It can help kids process their feelings, which can improve their mental health. As hard as the talk may be, it can build trust between you and the child, so they have a support system if they need it in the future. 

“It’s important to be open and honest with your kids and use what I call ‘building blocks of truth’ that are age appropriate. What that means is that as your children get older you can them more information,” says Emily Weitz children’s mental health expert.  

“For example, when my son was kindergarten, I would say ‘We do lockdown drills in case someone is not supposed to be there. This is how they keep us safe, this doesn’t happen often but it’s good to practice just in case!’” 

And when my children get older, I may start to reference news stories and talk more about specifics. 

You can do what works best for your family, but I’ve found that this has helped me have these conversations in my home.” 

understanding school violence 

In order to have a good conversation, it’s important to understand the definition of school violence. According to the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, school violence is any act of violence that occurs at school and includes fighting, bullying, the use of weapons and force.  

You can focus your talk on all types of violence or just one. Either way, there’s a lot of reasons for children to understand why school safety measures are important. 

For example, younger kids may not need to know why lockdown drills are needed as much as why they need to participate in them. Older students understand that school violence is an issue in today’s society, so you may want to have a longer discussion with them about their concerns.  

No matter how you choose to lead the discussion, these tips can help you do it. 

talking to kids about school safety 

• Start with open-ended questions. Ask an age-appropriate question like, “Do you know the difference between fire drills and lockdown drills?” or “How do you feel when your teacher does a lockdown drill?” You can also base the conversation on a recent event in the news if that helps. 
• Carefully listen to how the kids respond. It’s important to be intentional about listening, even if you want to get a point across or steer the conversation a certain way. If a child chooses to confide in you, show them that you are listening. They may be more likely to come to you again if they know that you won’t dismiss their feelings. 
• Discuss drills. Depending on where your conversation goes, you can talk about why schools need drills or how they can keep the school safe. Ask about their experiences participating in a drill. Validate their feelings and offer reassurance. Note that lockdowns themselves are uncommon—just like fires—but we have to practice just in case so we know how to stay safe. (Mentioning fire drills can be a good lead-in to get the discussion going with younger students.) Being able to share about what to expect during a drill can ease their fears before or during it. After the talk, children may still feel worried or sad, which is OK. 
• Reinforce safe solutions at school. In addition to discussing your own safety plan (if you have one), you may want to discuss who kids can turn to at school for support, such as a teacher or guidance counselor. You can also discuss what procedures are in place to keep them safe. 
• Know when the child may need more help. If a child has a hard time sleeping or focusing, has intrusive thoughts, seems angry, withdraws socially, seems desensitized to violence, or begins using a substance, it may be time to get professional help. This can give the child the tools need to stay in good mental health. 
• Check in after. Follow up after you talk to see if any other thoughts have come up. 

start the conversation about safety at home

Schools do a great job teaching kids about tornadoes, fires, and other drills, but it’s just as important for parents to talk about safety and drills at home. By working together, we can make sure our kids are ready for anything, whether they’re at school or at home.  

Click here to read more about how to prepare for drills and other safety plans at home!

more resources

Discussing school safety may seem overwhelming, but it can have positive long-term effects on children.  

Talking can show them that they have a safe space to process their feelings. And when they have that, it can help them feel less scared and more empowered. 

Our free School Safety Conversation Starters can help you know where to start with some of these difficult conversations. Click here to get your free copy, or you can download it in Spanish here. 

We also have previous blogs written about how to start the conversation with kids and the importance of asking the right questions to encourage conversation. 

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