how to help kids develop gratitude when they seem ungrateful

in this article: 

• why does my child seem ungrateful? 
• what can I do to help them develop gratitude? 
• free downloads and worksheets to build gratitude!

Does your child say, “You never play with me,” after you’ve spent a full morning playing pretend with them and now need to take a break to do housework? 

Have you spent your Saturday at a fun event where everyone has a great time but on Sunday, your kids wake up and say, “What are we doing today?” Then, when you respond, “Going to the park.” they yell “We never do anything fun!” 

Do you struggle with your child saying they have “nothing to do” although you know they have a bedroom full of toys and games?  

If you have ever felt that no matter what you give your kids (time, material things, money, etc.) it never seems to be enough, this can feel frustrating, and even a little embarrassing! This can leave you feeling that they aren’t grateful for the things they have or that no matter what you do it will never be enough. 

But there’s good news: you can help your kids develop an attitude of gratitude, especially during the holiday season, and also teach them to appreciate what they have all year round! 

What is making my child seem ungrateful?  

“During these times, it can feel that a child is being ungrateful, and we have failed to teach them contentment. The truth is, there are many reasons behind why kids show this behavior, and it is not always about gratitude,” shares Emily Weitz, children’s mental health expert.  

Emily says kids may have these seemingly non-grateful reactions for many reasons including: 

• Being exposed to a lot of media that pushes consumerism.  
• Feeling social pressure to have the latest and greatest items to fit in with their friends.  
• Having self-esteem that is based on what they wear, own or do. 
• Having a lack of ability to delay gratification and wait for the things they want. 
• Struggling to handle difficult moments or family changes.  
• Not having the skills to sit in feelings of being uncomfortable. 

What can I do when my child seems ungrateful? 

Getting curious about what’s behind these behaviors—and what might be motivating these reactions—can help you figure out the best way to respond. Here are a few simple, supportive tips from On Our Sleeves experts to help you encourage an attitude of gratitude and handle these behaviors in the moment. 

1. Help your child build their “feelings vocabulary” 

Sometimes, kids just need the right words to express what they’re feeling. You can support them in naming their emotions and tuning in to what they feel by: 

• Setting aside time to talk about emotions together. Explore different feelings and talk openly about what each of you is experiencing. 
• Modeling your own feelings to show healthy ways of expressing emotions. This lets your child see that all feelings are normal. 
• In tough moments, try saying: “I can see that you’re feeling mad, and it’s okay to feel that way. But it’s not okay to throw things or slam doors.” 

By helping your child put words to their emotions, you’re giving them tools to understand themselves and express their feelings in healthy ways. 

2. Teach your child how to accept the word “no.” 

Learning how to deal with disappointment when getting a “no” answer can help make your child more emotionally resilient. It takes practice and you can help them by:  

• Saying “no” only when you mean it and sticking to it. If you change your mind after saying ‘no’ your child will learn that they can change the answer by acting out.  
• Practicing using “no” as a complete sentence. Avoid power struggles and endless negotiations by simply saying “no” and not engaging any further. You don’t always have to explain why you are saying “no.”  
• Try using a phrase like: “I am sorry you are disappointed, but the answer is still ‘no.’” or  “Sometimes loving you means I need to say ‘no’ to things.” 

3. Teach your child how to identify “wants” vs. “needs.” 

It takes time especially for kids to learn the difference between what they want and what they need. As the adult in their life, you can set a great example by:  

• Talk about your own “wants” and “needs” frequently and in front of them. For example, you can say: “I want to go shopping for new clothes too but right now it is important to budget our money so we can also buy the things we really need like groceries.” 
• Consider finding ways to get your child involved in budgeting money. You can let them know the budget for a grocery trip and have them practice balancing the needs of the family with the “wants” of special snacks.  
• Provide your children opportunities to give back to others such as donating toys, helping an elderly neighbor or family member with yard work, or helping out with making a meal at home. 

3 free downloads to help develop gratitude with kids

It’s completely normal to feel frustrated when kids don't seem to have an attitude of gratitude. Often, this behavior is shaped by many factors—advertising, social influences, or just not yet knowing how to cope with big emotions. 

By talking openly about feelings, helping them understand the difference between wants and needs, and setting clear boundaries, we can guide our kids to appreciate what they have. The goal is to equip them with the skills to manage their emotions and navigate life’s ups and downs, so they grow up with realistic expectations and resilience to handle disappointments. 

To practice gratitude even more, download one of our free resources below! 

1. Gratitude Jar Activity: A hands on craft activity to explore the greatness of gratitude! Learn how to do the craft and download the worksheets here. 
2. Gratitude Chart: An activity the whole family can participate in. Download the gratitude chart to track moments of gratitude throughout the week and talk about these moments together!
3. Gratitude Journal Guide: Grow gratitude with these printable gratitude journal sheets! Discuss with your child what they're thankful for and share the gratitude cards with people who make a difference! Download the journal sheets here. 

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