dialoguing on gender diversity

As we try to be more inclusive, it’s becoming more common to add the pronouns you use when you introduce yourself. Contrary to popular terminology, people do not have “preferred pronouns,” only the pronouns that they use in our day-to-day life. For example, “My name is Chris Jones. I’m an engineer and my pronouns are he/him.”

While that may be relatively straight forward, parents of teenagers may find themselves lost in a world of new language. Maybe your teen uses the pronoun “they” when referencing a friend, so you think she is going to the movie with a group of people when it’s actually just one person using the “they” pronoun. Or perhaps you hear the word “cisgender” referenced often but have no idea what it means.

Discussing gender diversity is a big topic with many variables. That’s why Dayton Children’s is providing a primer on all the categories and language that you might need to have an open dialogue with your teen. Let’s dig in to understanding more about how a person experiences their body, their expression of it and the proper terminology.

sex

Sex refers to the parts of the body present at birth that lead the doctor to say “it’s a boy” or “it’s a girl.” There is also a category called intersex, in which a baby is born with a combination of features of male and female. In the past, the word hermaphrodite was used but this is now considered an unacceptable term.

Let’s talk about a few other terms relating to the sex category.

• Cisgender is the term for those who have a match between the sex they were assigned at birth and their gender identity. Cisgender replaces the terms “nontransgender” or “bio man/bio woman” which are considered harmful and outdated terms.
• Transgender is an umbrella term for those whose sex assigned at birth does not match how they identify. This also includes people who do not identify as a binary gender, either male or female. It’s important to remember that while a person may not identify with their sex assigned at birth, it does not necessarily mean they want to surgically or hormonally change their body. While that change may be important for some, others may choose to simply dress and identify as another gender. 

gender

Gender refers to the attitudes, feelings and behaviors that a given culture associates with a person’s sex assigned at birth. Gender can be a more complicated concept because there are both internal and external components.

• Gender identity is a person’s inherent sense of being a boy, a man or male; a girl, a woman, or female; or an alternative gender. Gender identity may or may not correspond to a person’s sex assigned at birth or to a person’s sex characteristics. Since gender identity is internal, a person’s gender identity is not necessarily visible to others.
• Gender expression is an individual’s presentation, including physical appearance, clothing choice and accessories, and behavior that communicates aspects of gender or gender role. Gender expression may or may not conform to a person’s gender identity.  Our culture plays a large part in assigning meaning and expectations to gender roles and expression. Without culture, there would be no designations like “girl toy” or “boy clothes.” Clothes and items have no gender. It is our culture that creates associations and expectations.
• Gender diversity refers to the extent to which a person’s gender identity, role or expression differs from the cultural norms for people of a particular sex. This term is becoming more popular as a way to describe people in a manner that is more affirming and potentially less stigmatizing than the previous terms, which were gender conformity or gender nonconformity.

You with me so far? Now let’s add another layer.

sexual orientation

Sexual orientation is the part of a person that includes their sexual and emotional attraction to another person. A person, regardless of their sex or gender identity, may be attracted to men, women, both, neither or a variety of other sexes and gender identities. There are a plethora of terms to explore.

• Heterosexuality: A sexual orientation in which a person feels physically and emotionally attracted to people of a gender other than their own. This term is generally replaced with
  “straight” to avoid the assumption that the term “homosexual” is appropriate to use (see next term.)
• Gay is the preferred term used to describe a sexual orientation toward people of the same gender. The term homosexual is outdated and is viewed as potentially harmful.  Lesbian is another term specifically for those who identify as female attracted to the same gender.
• Queer is an umbrella term that individuals may use to describe a sexual orientation, gender identity or gender expression that does not conform to societal norms. While it has been used as a derogatory term in the past, many young LGBTQ+ individuals today embrace the label to avoid limiting themselves to one category.
• Pansexual is similar to the term bisexual but is more inclusive of transgender people. While being bisexual means being attracted to more than one gender, being pansexual means being attracted to all gender identities, or attracted to people regardless of gender.
• Asexual is a sexual orientation generally characterized by not feeling sexual attraction or a desire for partnered sexuality. Asexuality is distinct from celibacy, which is the deliberate abstention from sexual activity. There are many diverse ways of being asexual.

A person’s sex, gender, sexual orientation, gender identity or gender expression do not define them. While these are labels that can help us as a society understand the people we come in contact with, there are no right or wrong ways to exist and be. By having a better understanding of the language surrounding sex and gender, we can be more aware of ways we can be more inclusive of those around us.

For more resources on the topic and to discover more, see this list of Topic Guides for Teaching About Gender Identity.  You can also find a list of resources on Dayton Children’s website.