The power of connection and building positive relationships

We “connect” to the internet to explore new ideas and communicate with loved ones across the world. We build roads to “connect” one town to another. 

We “connect” with others over shared interests.  

We “connect” with our kids while spending time with them and creating positive memories.  

Connection is essential to emotional wellbeing. Having connections allows us to have support during hard times, to learn to have empathy for others, and to provide better awareness of ourselves.   

 We know that supporting connections for our kids is important. With any goal, there are challenges and obstacles to overcome.  

But this generation today is facing many challenges to making connections in today’s society including:   

• Increased division reinforced by social media bubbles (only viewing one-sided perspectives) and decreasing empathy for others with a differing opinion.  
• Pressure to portray a certain outer image to receive more “likes” on social media instead of presenting their genuine self. 
• Overuse of technology encourages kids to value online “relationships” more than human connection.  
• Families moving away from extended family, separating families across the country and even the world. 
• Increased awareness of potential dangers of our kids connecting with people we are unfamiliar with on social media and in our community. 

building connections across different categories 

Connection is not just between a parent/caregiver and their child. There are many different categories we can build connections to:  

• Friends  
• Family members 
• Spiritual groups 
• Community groups 
• School 
• Extracurricular activities and hobbies 

It is important that we as adults and our kids have several areas of connection. This will help when something goes awry in one area of connection, there will be at least one other area to fall back on. This is also helpful when our kids close us as caregivers or their main adult connection off. If we have worked to help them build healthy connections in other areas, we can be hopeful that they will receive healthy advice and support until our relationship with them is reconnected.  

Enhance kid’s connections by taking an active role  

• Enhancing Family Connections 

When our kids were babies, we typically had a nighttime routine that helped with connecting right before they separated from us to go to sleep. This usually included bath time, book, snuggles and one last feeding before crossing our fingers that they slept through the night. Although we aren’t still bottle feeding our ten-year-olds, there are still ways to recreate this type of ritual to help build connection such as developing an aged appropriate nightly check-in, doing small activities together in the evening, and prioritizing a weekly family dinner.  

• Enhancing Friend Connections  

Help your kids develop a wide range of friends by participating in different activities and exploring new environments. This way, they have different outlets to express themselves through and if they are having a hard time with one friend group, they have another one to go to.  

• Enhancing Community Connections  

Help your kids connect to community groups whether that be a church community, volunteer service, or a community of interest (think sports team or music club). When we become a part of a larger community, we feel valued and can build connections with people with similar interests as us.  

how to help our kids build connections safely 

We read in the news about relationships that cause harm, yet relationships are important in life and our kids need to learn to develop relationships—under our guidance and watchful eyes. Below are suggestions for ways to guide safety while also supporting your kid’s positive relationships.  

• Get to know the parents of the friends your kids hang out with or want to hang out. 
• Invite their friends over to your house so you can see how they interact. 
• Observe your kids and the adults or kids they are hanging out within multiple contexts to see how they are interacting (without hovering). 
• Thoughtfully decide which adults your kid should be around.  
• Take opportunities to casually drop in unannounced on various relationship activities to assure that all is safe.  
• Check in daily with your kids about what happened that day, how they are feeling, if they are feeling uncomfortable around anyone.  
• Make an effort to monitor their social media to make sure they are using it appropriately and making healthy connections. 
• Pay attention to the amount of one-on-one time they are spending with someone (and the time of day) 

*Important note: Do not allow your kid to text or receive texts from other adults without you being on the text message as well; address this boundary with other adults if necessary.  

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