home for the holidays: supporting your college student's mental health

Many families are preparing to welcome their freshman college student home for the holidays. These students have been away for a whole semester learning new things, making new friends and pursuing their future as an adult. All of these new experiences and discoveries may be a lot for a young adult. They may present as worn out and withdrawn after a difficult semester of learning, activities, and living life on their own. Some parents may become concerned if their child is acting moody or uninterested in some of their favorite family traditions. They may even wonder if there is a mental health issue that is affecting their child. So how can you know what are the regular reactions of a busy teen, and what are the warning signs of something more serious? 

Pediatric psychologist Laura Meyers says, for first-time college students there could be a range of emotions that could manifest as a condition called adjustment disorder. Physicians define adjustment disorder as an emotional or behavioral reaction to a stressful event or change in a person’s life. The reaction is considered an unhealthy or excessive response to the event or change within three months of it happening. Symptoms can include depression and anxiety. Even if it’s a mild case of adjustment disorder, depression or anxiety, intervening sooner than later can help your child.    

Dr. Meyers has advice for parents on identifying these serious concerns, and how to approach them the best way possible.  

interpreting warning signs vs. natural changes 

The first year of college can be very hard for young adults, especially if it’s their first time being away from home. There are big life changes happening. School and work can be challenging. Your child might be grappling with their identity and deciding who they want to be for the rest of their life. This might contribute to feelings of being overwhelmed, hopeless and depressed. The first, big sign to look out for is a major change in behavior.

 “As parents it’s instinctual to notice these behavior changes in our kids.”  

Warning sign: If your child usually looks forward to activities, has fun with family, and hangs out with friends but now doesn’t seem interested or motivated to do that when they come home , this could be a warning sign. 

Normal behavior: In contrast, a behavior that is not as much of a concern is a change in interest. For example, if your child is no longer interested in wanting to watch their favorite family movie, and instead is choosing to video call with their friends, this would be considered a natural change in interest. Trust your instinct when it comes to your child’s behaviors

A second sign of a more serious issue is a consistent complaint about physical ailments. It is not commonly known that depression and anxiety can create physical responses in the body. The mental changes impact the nervous system manifesting as fatigue, achiness, headaches, or other physical pain. 

Warning sign: Being in a depressive state may contribute to poor physical decisions like a change in appetite, an avoidance of physical activity or irregular sleeping (too much or too little).  Also pay attention if your teen is asking for pain relievers like tylenol or advil more than usual. 

Normal behavior: A regular winter cold, or bought of flu is normal as is feeling sick from staying up too late, an injury or other factor that would cause a body to feel not at its best. 

Finally, listening to your child is an important step in identifying if they’re having major problems with depression. Listen to the language that they are using when talking about their life.

Warning sign: Hearing persistent, pessimistic language about work, school, life or the future may be a warning sign that your teen is feeling hopeless. Hopelessness can be an indicator of suicidal ideations and should be taken seriously.  

Normal behavior: Typical teenage complaints or moodiness shouldn't be a cause for concern. 

how to approach and help  

If you’re noticing any of these changes and you believe your child may need some help, it is important to takesteps toward having a conversation and seeking professional help. Early intervention is important and life saving.  

• Be careful to never trivialize, minimize or downplay your child’s emotions. Responding or reacting with platitudes, such as: “it will get better soon,” or “just hang in there,” will not encourage your child to seek the help they may need. 
• Instead, offer validation and understanding about the situation. Try saying "that does sound hard," or "this is a difficult adjustment."
• Let your child know that you are here for them whenever they are ready to talk.  

Here is an example of how you can approach the conversation in an open and inviting way:  

“I’ve noticed a really big change in you, and I’m concerned. I’d like to help you be able to talk about it and I was hoping, you could see a professional counselor to help.”  

Being proactive is important, but it’s also necessary to respect that kids don’t always want to talk or may not be ready right away. There is a fine line to walk when it comes to this topic, but letting your teen know that you are ready to help them and are available for support is important.  

receiving the right resources  

Seeking professional help is always encouraged. Remember that early intervention can save a life. 

• Most colleges and universities have mental health services available for students.
• There are also national resources like the National Alliance on Mental Illness ( NAMI).  
• Reach out to On Our Sleeves for more resources and guides on youth mental health.   

The mission of On Our Sleeves is to provide every community in America access to free, evidence-informed educational resources necessary for breaking stigmas about child mental health and educating families and advocates. For more information, visit childrensdayton.org/onoursleeves.