how family stories help children feel connected

Who am I? Where did I come from? What is my story?

As children grow, they start asking big questions about who they are and where they belong.  Family stories can help them find answers. Every family is different, and so are family histories. Some are told again and again, passed down through generations. Others are harder to tell because they are complicated, incomplete, or shaped by difficult circumstances. Even everyday stories can help children see the people, places and moments that shaped their family.

why are family stories important for children?

 Learning about family history can help children build a stronger sense of identity by helping them understand where they come from and where they belong. Talking with relatives gives children a chance to:

• Hear family stories directly from the people who experienced them
• Feel connected to their family
• Understand their identity
• Recognize that they are part of something bigger than themselves

what if a child’s family history is complicated?

 Children may come from adoptive families, blended families, foster families or families with unknown, incomplete or difficult histories. The goal is not to force one version of a story. The goal is to help children understand the people and experiences that matter to them in a way that feels safe and supportive.

• A child’s family story may include biological relatives, adoptive parents, stepparents, foster families, and other important people.
• Children can learn about the people and experiences that are meaningful to their story.
• Let children ask questions without assuming they need to have every answer.

unknown or incomplete family history

• Some families don’t know all the answers or may not have access to information about previous generations.
• Some families may not have passed that information down or may not have contact with each other.
• It is okay to say, “I don’t know.” You can explore together what you do know or can find out.
• It is okay to incorporate nonbiological family into your family history.

difficult or traumatic family history

Not every family story is happy. Some family histories include loss, addiction, abuse, violence, or other difficult experiences. Parents can decide what information is appropriate to share based on their child’s age, development, and individual circumstances. Be honest when children ask questions,  but remember, you don’t have to share every detail all at once.

• Share information in a way that fits your child’s age and development.
• Answer your child’s questions and let them guide the conversation.
• Be honest without overwhelming them with details they aren’t ready to process.

multiple heritages and cultures

Some children may have multiple cultural backgrounds. Let children explore each of them! No need to pressure them to identify with one particular tradition in a particular way.

• Explore the languages, music, foods, stories or celebrations connected to your family.
• Ask relatives about traditions that mattered to them as children and that are still meaningful to your family.
• Talk about other traditions from different cultures and explore ones that interest your family.

how to start a conversation about family history

A family tree can show children who is connected to whom, but stories bring those relationships to life. A simple family interview is a great place to start:

“What did you do for fun when you were my age? What were your parents like? What was school like when you were a kid?”

 Questions like these help children see their family members in a new way, as more than just a name on a piece of paper. They can learn that the adults in their lives were once kids just like them, with their own dreams, worries, mistakes and adventures.

Before your next family visit, phone call or video chat, invite your child to interview a relative or trusted family friend. Use our download as a guide but let the conversation flow naturally.

Before the conversation:

• Choose a family member your child enjoys talking with.
• Bring the interview sheet and a pencil or crayons.
• Look through old photographs or keepsakes if you have them.

During the conversation:

• Encourage your child to ask questions. Help them read the questions on the interview sheet if needed.
• Allow the conversation to wander. A funny story may lead somewhere more meaningful than the original question. Plus, it is fun for older generations to walk down memory lane.
• Encourage your child to ask follow-up questions such as, “What was that like?” “What happened after that?”
• Don’t worry about answering every question on the sheet. Use it as a guide.

After the conversation:

• Allow your child to share what they learned. They can even present it to the larger family.
• Save the interview or drawings.
• Consider interviewing more family members at future gatherings.

Family stories do not have to be perfect or complete to matter. When children hear about the people, places and moments that shaped their family, they can feel more connected to who they are and where they belong. Use the Family History Interview Guide to help start the conversation.

<Button> Download the Family History Interview Guide