how asking the right questions encourages conversations
On Our Sleeves has a free resource to help start the conversation
Developing healthy children who build meaningful relationships requires one very important step: having conversations. The most important relationship to a child is the one they develop with a parent or caregiver. The caregiver serves as the child’s foundation as they grow and change into mature adults. The caregiver’s relationship with a child also sets the stage for that child’s future relationships. The best way to build a strong foundation for these relationships is to create safe spaces for children to feel that they can talk with you.
Children who have conversations are better equipped to:
- Learn how to make friends
- Learn how to appropriately get their needs met
- Learn social skills
- Strengthen their bonds with family
- Learn empathy
- Build a strong, connected foundation
The more that having conversations becomes a natural part of family life, the more likely parents will be able to notice changes in a child’s behavior like feelings of hopelessness, anxiety, depression or other challenges. Children will also be more comfortable talking with adults they trust having conversations with about tough subjects like relationships, school struggles, problems with peers, sexual behaviors, substance use, their future plans and goals, death of a friend or family member, stressful current events…and much more.
Having conversations sounds simple enough. But have you ever asked your child how their day was only to be met with a monotone answer of, “fine.” Starting the conversation may not be as simple as you think. But don’t worry, we have some simple solutions to help break the ice. Asking questions that make a child think and explore their own ideas and feelings is one way to start. Try asking instead:
- What is the best thing about school?
- What was something that made you laugh today?
- How were you brave today?
If you’re ready to start the conversation at the dinner table or in the car while on the go, download a PDF version of our conversation starter cards. These cards can help you create the habit of talking about feelings. This fun deck of cards contains more than a dozen icebreaker topics to get the conversation going.
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The mission of On Our Sleeves is to provide every community in America access to free, evidence-informed educational resources necessary for breaking stigmas about child mental health and educating families and advocates. For more information, visit OnOurSleeves.org.
With your ongoing guidance, your child can learn to notice the positives in their life, appreciate them and express their gratitude. Eventually, your child should notice and express gratitude on their own, instead of needing prompting. To help make gratitude second nature for your child, try different activities together:
- Write a thank you note (or draw a picture) for kind gestures or for gifts received.
- Call someone to thank them or thank them in person.
- Go around the dinner table every night to share something you’re grateful for that day.
- Every day, write something you’re thankful for on a slip of paper and put it in a jar, then periodically read what you’ve written.
- Keep a gratitude journal – every night, write three things you’re thankful for that day; flip through the journal sometimes as a reminder of the positives in your life.
Download our On Our Sleeves Gratitude Journal instructions and have your child decorate a notebook with stickers, glitter, photos, etc., and write down and/or draw at least one thing they are thankful for every day throughout the month. Share their ideas by using #OnOurSleeves on social media.
The mission of On Our Sleeves is to provide every community in America access to free, evidence-informed educational resources necessary for breaking stigmas about child mental health and educating families and advocates. For more information, visit OnOurSleeves.org.
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