can positivity ever get to be a little “toxic?”
being authentically happy doesn’t mean your child will never be sad
“Good vibes only.”
“Think positive thoughts.”
“Someone has it worse, so don’t worry be happy.”
It’s easy to fall back on inspirational quotes and cliches to comfort ourselves and the ones we love. As parents we don’t want to see our children unhappy, so we may often default to giving them cheerful words instead of allowing them to fully experience their feelings. But our “positive vibes” may not always be helpful, in some cases, they may actually be harmful or toxic.
Toxic positivity – the belief that no matter how dire or difficult a situation is, people should maintain a positive mindset.
While positive thinking can be beneficial, toxic positivity is forcing happiness for the sake of others. This isn’t authentic happiness. This may just teach your child to feel uncertain or ashamed about their emotions.
Being authentically happy doesn’t mean you’ll never be sad.
The emotion of sadness is okay to feel. Especially in difficult scenarios like:
- A divorce
- The death of a loved one
- The death of a pet
- Watching the news and seeing what is happening in the world
Sometimes acknowledging the difficulties of life is a better way to process these hard emotions. And can lead to more overall happiness and wellness for your child.
It might be hard to tell when you should encourage your child to not let their emotions overwhelm them and when you should sit and comfort them through difficult things. Being able to talk with your child is important. Remember that emotions are difficult for us all. Try swapping some of your usual positive vibe quotes with empathy and understanding.
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The mission of On Our Sleeves is to provide every community in America access to free, evidence-informed educational resources necessary for breaking stigmas about child mental health and educating families and advocates. For more information, visit OnOurSleeves.org.
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